How to Develop Friendships in Adulthood

It is a well known fact that human connection is paramount to mental health and wellbeing. Staying socially engaged with others can increase one’s sense of belonging, enhance happiness, reduce stress, improve self-worth and can provide support in coping with an array of life’s challenges. As we get older and more deeply entrenched in responsibility and routine, making friends can become more difficult. Getting in touch with personal passions then bonding with others through mutual interests can be very rewarding and an easy way to find common ground. In turn, each friend can unfold different parts in our own self-discovery, unlocking new facets of interests and personhood. Below is a short list of ideas for those finding themselves stuck on their journey toward making friends in adulthood.

1. While the advent of the internet has been blamed for increasing social isolation, virtual platforms such as Meetup.com, Facebook groups and Bumble BFF allow for an organized congregation of like-minded others to connect around similar interests. This can be a great starting point. You can also create your very own meetup group on said platforms to initiate agendas catered toward personal interests which is sure to attract like-minded others. 

2. Stay attuned to local events and community gatherings. Often, our very own neighborhoods and municipalities offer recreational events which can be attended by locals. Keep an eye out for advertisements that may be displayed in grocery stores, post offices or on affiliated websites. These might include festivals, farmer’s markets, live music events, etc.

3. Get out of the house and into the great outdoors! Friendships can happen naturally and spontaneously. The more we give ourselves the opportunities for connections to occur, the more likely they might. Walking populated trails, boardwalks, beaches, parks, etc. assures that you’re a part of the collective. 

4. Sometimes, what you’re looking for is right in your own backyard! Neighbors can be a great way to connect with others without having to head too far away from homebase. There can be many things in common intrinsic to location and to sharing a neighborhood. Say hello to others as they are walking their dogs or strolling. Offer to help when you see they might need it. Take the chance and ask the neighbor for a cup of sugar should you have run out.

5. What are your spiritual beliefs? Are you religious? How do you find meaning in your life? Faith based communities can offer lots of opportunities to get to know others through shared beliefs and values. There are often services to attend, ceremonial practices and areas of congregation to regularly convene with others in prayer or meditation.  

6. Volunteering can be a great option for meeting others in a way that centers around a mutual cause. The work can be enriching and sharing in those heartfelt efforts can activate strong bonds rooted in care, compassion and altruism.

7. Exercise is another great way to meet friends within the realm of health and wellness. Join local gyms, yoga studios, kickboxing classes, martial arts, Zumba lessons, etc. Step into a routine and get to know others who attend frequently, as well. 

8. Take classes at local universities, colleges or learning centers. Engaging in educational pursuits which peak curiosity or enhance skill sets allows one to join a community of learners. 

9. Be approachable. Energy is palpable and often all it takes is a bright smile and a well wishing “Good Morning” to elicit a positive response from another. Be open, get curious and ask questions. Stay attuned to your body language and work to make your posture and mannerism inviting. Be mindful in all of your interactions.

Transitioning from acquaintanceship into a true, enduring friendship takes time. Be patient in developing trust and mutual respect and continue to assess whether the relationship is in alignment with one’s authentic self and personal values. Stay attuned to how you feel when you are around them and aware of how the other makes you feel about yourself. Look for those who enhance and appreciate your good qualities. At this juncture, the final step is a leap of faith, surrendering to the possibility of a new friendship to flourish!

• Christine Porto, DW Counselor